Idiomatic Expression: "Butterflies in my stomach"

What is an idiom?

An idiom is a word or phrase that is not taken literally.  An idiom is an expression that cannot be understood from the meanings of its individual words, but has a separate meaning of its own.

Butterflies in the Stomach Explained

• Describing the feeling you get before making a speech in public or performing on stage.
• Before you attend a job interview or an important meeting.
• A feeling of anxiety before you attend a job interview or an important meeting.
• An in explainable feeling before taking an important exam or test.
• Discussing a first date or special anniversary.

Example:

“I’m going on a date tonight and I have butterflies in my stomach! I’ve liked Tommy for so long. I hope he likes me too.”

“I shall deliver my memorized speech as an Oral Examination, and I got this butterflies in my stomach.”

How to overcome butterflies in my stomach while addressing large audiences during presentations, etc?

According to various sources, from 74 to 90% of people have symptoms of anxiety before public speaking. Not only amateurs and beginners, but also professionals. Fortunately, most of us are able to cope with it with self-support and psychological exercises.

Don't overthink

What you are usually afraid of? You think they will judge you, they will wait for you to make a littlest mistake and measure every your word or gesture? You think they will hurt or offend you, or think that you are a bad storyteller. Forget it!

The psychological fact is: most of us are thinking just about ourselves now: what we are doing, how we are looking, what we are going to learn from the presentation. People really don't want you to fail! So don't overthink, don't put their potential (in 90% not real) thoughts into your brain and heart.

If you know your material well and go there in a good mood, show some enthusiasm, you will succeed this show with a very good chance.

By the way, experts say that the audience usually doesn't recognize when you are nervous. Remember this! Good luck on your next Performance.

Dreams Do Come True (Speech Delivered by Boxing Champ Manny Pacquiao)

DREAMS DO COME TRUE
(Transcript of the speech delivered by Senator Emmanuel D. Pacquiao before the Oxford Union in Great Britain on November 5th, 2018)


President Horvath and the other esteemed officials of the University of Oxford; distinguished members of the Oxford Union, other dignitaries in attendance and ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon.

I am the only eight-division world boxing champion in history, having won 11 major world titles, ranging from Flyweight, which has an 8 stone limit, to Super Welterweight, which has an 11 stone limit. My tailor has been kept very busy throughout my career, adjusting the waistbands of my trunks.

I have fought some of the best fighters in history. And yet I have to admit, as I stand before you, I am intimidated when I think of the kind of main event headliners who faced you over the years:
• Sir Winston Churchill,
• American Presidents Reagan, Nixon and Carter,
• Mother Teresa,
• the Dalai Lama
• and Sir Elton John.

And here am I, Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao, standing before you armed with just the equivalent of a sixth form education, an undisguised respect for what your group and your university represent and a pretty fair left hook.

If this give-and-take today were a “tale of the tape,” I would be a respectful underdog. But be careful. I am not that easy to floor.

When I received your gracious invitation, I asked myself, what could I talk about that could possibly interest you? What could Manny Pacquiao say that would be of any impact, much more utility, to the men and women who enjoy the highest standards of instruction at Oxford?

The answer came fast: I know what I should speak about, something very few among you can claim to know about: my education, certainly non-traditional, non-formal, largely unstructured. I will call it my education in the Open University of Life.

It is a matter of record that I only had traditional formal schooling until Secondary School, Grade 12.

It was only recently that I reached University level through the alternative education program.

We were dirt poor. I had to work since the age of five, to help my mother feed my three siblings and me. Many days, I was lucky to have one full meal. On days when we had no food, I would drink lots of water just to fill my stomach. But my mind and spirit were never hungry. I read anything I could get my hands on.

I even read the newspaper that my lunch or dinner came wrapped in. I read signs everywhere, even on moving vehicles. I learned measurements and weights by constantly reading the rates and tariffs at the warehouses where I worked as a stevedore, a docker in your parlance.

At night when I could not sleep because of the cold, I would read the labels on the carton boxes that served as my bed on the street pavement.

The movements of the clouds, the tint of the horizon, and the clarity of the stars taught me when morning was about to come.

And for me, the morning did come. Warm, bright, and simply amazing ——- a lesson in what can be achieved if you have determination … if you ignore the odds against you …and as you are taught here at this magnificent institution never, ever quit.

Think of David and Goliath. Look at me. I am not very big and I never had five smooth stones to throw at any obstacle, but determination Is a power tool. I won a lot of fights.

Since 2016, I have been a sitting member of the Philippine Senate, having received the direct vote of over 16 million Filipinos. As such, I participate in debates that result in the passage of legislation which determines the course of our country’s history and, indirectly, the world’s.

I do not fault anyone who views me as singularly ill-equipped for this role. Instead, I ask: is there anyone more knowledgeable than this humble civil servant about the hardships incident to the way of life of the majority of our people? Who among my colleagues has faced poverty face to face from birth? Whose life’s work has it been to battle illiteracy?

In crafting effective laws, there is no better guide than the pulse of the masses.

I may not have financial acuity. I may not be historically fluent. I may not even be socially adept. But I am philosophically rooted in my personal adversities, which morally bind me to the general struggle of our people.

I am a fighter, not just because it is my profession. I was a fighter long before I first set foot in a boxing ring. All my life I have fought to live. Every single day in my youth, I fought for survival. Now, I do it and get paid for it. Then, I was lucky to get a piece of bread for it.

But how are my struggles of any value to the Filipinos? It cannot feed or clothe all of them. No matter how much I give financially, hundreds of thousands more remain wanting.

In 2013, in the aftermath of Category 5 super typhoon Haiyan (locally remembered as Yolanda), the deadliest typhoon to devastate my country, leaving a record of more than 6,000 dead, I went to Tacloban and visited a nightmare.

The place was a virtual ghost town. Everyone had lost someone from their family; others, their entire family. No property was spared. There were bodies everywhere. There was no food, no water, no electricity. Each face I looked into bore the same expression: defeat. Not a single person there thought that they could ever recover from that tragedy.

I thought to myself, I can give millions, as have many other donors from all over the world, but no amount of money can give these people hope. I, too, fought against despair.

But then I had an idea. We set up a makeshift basketball court and I started shooting some hoops. Then one boy picked up the ball after one of my shots and tried a shot. Soon there were enough of us to have a five on five matches, and we did.

The smiles, the laughter, the whoops of joy of those boys during that game are memories forever etched in my heart. To have lost everything overnight, including parents, siblings, friends, but to still have the ability to rise above one’s personal loss and reach out to your fellow man, even just in play, to find joy together, there, at that point, in those victims’ eyes, I found hope.

Those boys, who had nothing left, gave me hope.

Four years later, I would see the same physical and societal devastation in Marawi. Our beautiful city of the South was reduced to ruins by civil strife. Death and destruction broke the hearts and backs of its residents. But not their spirit. One year later, Marawi is now under rehabilitation.

These and other experiences like this motivated me to answer the call of public service. I believe, in all humility, that my life is just a snapshot, it is a glorified blow-up of what millions of Filipinos live through on a day to day basis -- the hardships, the challenges, the back-breaking, hope-extinguishing despair. Yet, through the ashes of destruction, the Filipino always manages to rise up and fight another day.

I believe that I was destined to serve as an inspiration for the average Filipino to fight, to rise above adversity, to conquer and defy, and to embrace life and all its difficulties. Manny Pacquiao is the best fairy tale every Filipino could tell and re-tell to all generations yet to come. Manny Pacquiao’s story is incredible but true.

Miracles do happen. Dreams do come true. Being poor does not mean one must die poor. Hard work and persistence will set you free from the shackles of poverty. But it is faith that will take you to the very top.

That is Manny Pacquiao’s story so I ask you -- all of you -- to never lose faith in what you can do as a human being, belief in the loyalty of family, and belief in the Almighty. It is not easy to believe in the power of one. But I ask you to look around you. Count the faces. Do the multiplication and suddenly we are a power of 50 or 100 or 1,000.

You, with your education, determination, and faith you can change the world.

Maraming Salamat!

Speech delivered by
EMMANUEL D. PACQUIAO
Senator- Republic of the Philippines
before the Oxford Union, Frewin Court,
Oxford, OX1 3JB
Great Britain
On 05 November 2018

Tips on Public Speaking: Eliminating the Dreaded "Um"

Filler words like “um” may seem natural in everyday speech, but they do not belong in formal presentations or speeches. Powerful public speakers work hard to eliminate words such as “um,” “uh,” “well,” “so,” “you know,” “er,” and “like” from their vocabulary so that their listeners can focus solely on their message. Through practice and persistence, you can too.

SO, LIKE, WHY AM I SAYING “UM”?
Why do we use filler words? The simplest answer is that we have been conditioned to answer questions immediately from an early age. When our mother or father asked us a question, we were sure to answer right away—either because we wanted to show respect or because we were afraid of what would happen if we didn’t answer. Consequently, we feel the urge to speak when spoken to.

Some people argue that filler words serve an important purpose such as making a speaker sound more “natural” or “real.” In fact, Michael Erard wrote a book on this very subject. But just because filler words are fairly common in everyday speech does not mean that they are useful. In fact, they often detract from the listener’s ability to understand a particular message.

There are two places where filler words commonly appear: at the beginning of a statement and in between ideas. See what happens the next time you answer a question. You might say “um” or “uh” right away without even thinking. Then when you are finished discussing your first idea, you may be tempted to use another filler word as you decide what to say next.

You can think of these two “filler word hot spots” in the context of a two paragraph essay. The first hot spot would be the tab before the first paragraph, and the second hot spot would be the white space between the first and second paragraphs.

When you use a filler word such as “um,” you are thinking verbally. In other words, you are verbalizing your thought process. Armed with this information, it is easy to realize that the best way to avoid using filler words is to pause. If you are not speaking, you can’t say “um”!

REMOVING “UM” FROM YOUR VOCABULARY
The next time you are asked a question, take a couple seconds to think about what you want to say. This pause serves two important purposes: it will help you begin powerfully, and it will help you avoid using a filler word. Pause, think, answer.

The same public speaking technique applies when you are transitioning from one idea to another. While you may be tempted to fill the silence between ideas with a filler word, remember to pause and give yourself a moment to think about what you want to say next. It is important that you don’t begin speaking until you are ready. Remember: Pause, think, answer.

It may feel unnatural to pause, especially since you have responded to questions right away for your entire life. I assure you that you will deliver more powerful responses and reduce your chance of using filler words if you give yourself time to think.

CAN’T SEEM TO SHAKE THE HABIT? ASK FOR HELP.
If you need help overcoming your “um” problem, consider asking a co-worker, family member, or friend to point out when you use filler words. You also could record an upcoming presentation and then watch yourself in action. You may be amazed at how often you say “um” or “uh”!

Although we live in a fast-paced society that seemingly demands instant answers, we must use the pause to our advantage. We may feel pressure to answer right away, but ultimately, we should only speak when we are ready.
Reposted: Stephen Cohen

SOURCE

Carl Rogers's Theory of Personality

Carl Rogers was a humanist and psychotherapist. He believed if an individual attained self-actualisation they would be a fully functioning person living "the good life". By this, he means that the individual would have a positive healthy psychological outlook, trust their own feelings and have congruence in their lives between self and experience (Rogers 2004).

Carl Roger's theory is phenomenological and idiographic. He believed that human nature is "exquisitely rational" (Rogers, 2004 p 194). His theory came from his work as a psychotherapist. The aim of the therapy is to facilitate a reintegration of the self-concept. Rogers believed that people know what is causing the psychological imbalance in their lives and that deep down they know what they need to do to regain their balance or self-actualisation to become "Fully Functioning" persons (Rogers 2004). Psychotherapy is the change agent that assists individuals in making personal changes to regain balance and achieve their potential or self-actualisation.

A Theory of Personality

Self-Actualisation: Rogers believed humans are born with a desire to be the best they can. Self-actualisation is the motivating force to achieving their full potential. As infants the main goal towards self-actualisation is to have needs met e.g. to be fed.

Real Self: Defined as the underlying organismic self: What a person is capable of becoming if they lived in an ideal world. An individual would have lived in an environment of unconditional positive regard. Their parents would have accepted and loved them just as they are. Such individuals would be psychologically healthy with a positive unconditional self-regard and the potential to attain self-actualisation. Unfortunately, such environments are rare and as result people develop conditions of worth.

Self-Concept: A person's perception of themselves is shaped by how others see them. The self is the central construct in this theory. It is based largely on life experiences, social evaluation and the attitude of the individual's significant other. If the individual experiences conditional positive regard from their parents, the individual develops their parent's values and conditions of worth. If self-concept is based on the values of the significant other this can give rise to incongruence between self and experience.

Self-concept and conditions of worth are linked together and are important. They are guidelines as to how people behave towards others because people value their opinion of themselves above their own. This affects their decision making and can result in them doing things to please others rather than satisfying their own needs. Conditions of worth reduce people's self-confidence, trust in their own feelings and can affect their potential towards self-actualisation (Rogers 1986).

The Development of Incongruence between Self and Experience

The need for self-regard or approval is enormous. Children are influenced by their parents and strive for their approval by doing things to please them which make them feel more loved. However, if their behaviour does not meet with their approval they feel less loved. They may then experience incongruence between self and experience and this may lead to psychological maladjustment hindering personal growth towards self-actualisation (Rogers as cited in Patterson 1977).

Positive Regard: "To feel that one is understood is to feel that one has made some kind of a positive difference in the experience of another" (Rogers, 2004 p 343). If the individual experiences unconditional love and does not develop conditions of worth there is congruence between self and experience.

The process of reintegration: In order for this to be successful, the individual must experience the feelings of empathy, understanding and unconditional positive regard from a significant other. These feelings reduce conditions of worth and encourage unconditional positive regard for others. They increase self-regard and re-establishe congruence between self and experience (Maltby, Day and Macaskill, 2010).

Summary

As a result of his work as a psychotherapist, Carl Rogers developed his theory of personality and that is for individuals to become "Fully Functioning" persons. The "Fully Functioning" person according to Rogers is psychologically healthy, open to new experiences and aware of their own feelings and those of others. They live in the now, fully immersed in their experience and not restricted by conditions of worth or self-concepts. They are not afraid to make decisions based on their own experiences, and they trust their own feelings of doing what is right and will accept the consequences. They accept that life changes and they welcome the opportunity to use their creativity in adapting to the new changes.

Reference

Effective Beginner In a Presentation: The Critical First 60 Seconds

Do you know how long it takes to get an audience on your side?

It's not very long. In fact, audiences make decisions about your credibility, believability, and likability within the first 30-60 seconds. If you're visible before you speak—if, say, you're sitting on stage waiting to be introduced, or greeting audience members beforehand—these decisions start even earlier.

More than anything else at that stage, it's your physical presence that audience members are responding to. And we all know that impressions based on body language can be powerful.

Why Eye Contact Matters in Public Speaking

Have you ever listened to speakers who kept their gaze glued to their notes even as they began their speech, using the dull-as-dishwasher opening: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight I'm going to talk about . . ."

Why in the world would anyone do this? Presumably, these speakers understand that there are human beings in front of them, ready to receive whatever they're going to say.

 Using Eye Contact to Start a Speech Strongly

Here's a general rule to bear in mind: When you're looking down at your notes, nothing should be coming out of your mouth. Learn how to look down and "grab" key phrases and sentences, then look back at your listeners to say them.

Even more important, look at your audience and acknowledge them before you get into the body of your speech. If you've practiced sufficiently, you shouldn't need to look at your notes much even then. But you certainly can't afford to bury your attention in your written material when you first present yourself to an audience.

Establishing a Communication Bond with Your Listeners

What does the above accomplish? Instead of gluing your attention to your notes, you'll be establishing a communication bond between you and your listeners. Think of it as an electric arc crackling between you and them.

Put more simply, it's just a case of your focusing on them rather than your manuscript or anything else in the room. And it works if you're talking to one person or thousands.

Relating to an audience this way allows them to feel that you are talking to them as individuals. It also makes you accessible. That can matter later during the Q & A, when people need to feel they can safely ask you a question when all eyes are on them. If you're someone who's been showing them that they're the ones who matter, it's much easier for every audience member to feel they have a relationship with you.

5 Tips for How to Gain Confidence at Public Speaking

1. Believe in your capacity to improve.

You don't need to believe you can become the next JFK or MLK but you do need to believe in your capacity to improve your skills.

People generally do better if they have a growth mindset (link is external)(you see yourself as a work in progress) vs. a fixed mindset (you believe your capacities are fixed).

Check - Do you have a growth mindset in terms of your public speaking skills?

2. Get confident at reducing phyiological overarousal.

You'll do a better job at public speaking if you're not in fight / flight / freeze mode while you're giving your talk.

Learn how to calm yourself physiologically by practicing slowing breathing, which will in turn reduce your heart rate.

Try this free app from Azumio (link is external) which uses the camera on your phone to measure your finger pulse (it's amazing!).

When you notice yourself feeling stressed or anxious, fire up the app and practice slow breathing while you're taking the measurement. Watch your heart rate slow down in real time as slow down your breathing.

This is a great way to become confident in your ability to calm yourself physiologically.

Be aware that your heart rate is naturally faster when you're breathing in and slower when you're breathing out.

3. Practice looking at faces in the audience while you're talking.

People who are anxious tend to either avoid looking at the faces of people in the audience, or fixate on the faces of people who look bored.

Learn to look for signs of interest as well as signs of disinterest. Make eye contact and smile at individuals in the audience.

When someone smiles back, return your gaze to that person later in your talk.

4. Approach vs. Avoidance Goals.

• Avoidance goals are things like "I want to avoid blushing" or "I want avoid feeling anxious while I'm talking."

• Approach goals are things "I want to communicate my 3 key points clearly so that everyone in the audience leaves the talk understanding those points."

• Approach goals are more useful than avoidance goals.

• Identify what your approach goals are.

5. Video yourself.

People who are anxious often avoid objective performance feedback. If you believe you have the capacity to improve (see tip #1) objectively reviewing your performance will be less threatening (because you can correct any weaknesses.)  Don't try to improve through just willing yourself to improve. Actually take steps that are likely to result in improvement such as videoing yourself practicing or working with a coach.

Making some short youtube videos (just a few minutes each) is a great way to practice and produce something useful from that practice.

source: Psychology today

A EULOGY

While I hope that many of you will not need to give a eulogy, it is something that you should be prepared for if you were to be asked.

If you are asked to give a eulogy, remember this will be an emotional time for the friends and family.

A eulogy is an address to the person who has passed. It is a time to remember and celebrate the life of a loved one.

Before reading the following tips and tricks, watch this video.

There are a few things to remember when you preparing:

• First, make sure you introduce yourself to the audience.
• Then address the person whom you are remembering.
• To connect to your audience, share a few memories you share and/or qualities you admired about the lost loved one.
• Also, be sure to highlight special moments of the loved one’s life.
• Lastly, use a quote or your own words to bring comfort to those who are mourning. A eulogy should end on an encouraging note, even though there are still people mourning.
• Furthermore, make sure that you are dressed appropriately. It is important to note it is not always best to wear black to a funeral. 
• Some families want the funeral to be a celebration. So be aware of what color would be appropriate to wear. It is best to ask the family.

Above all, be sincere. This is a time to honor and celebrate the life of a loved one.